And so it begins.

       The night before school was to begin Kaelyn picked out and carefully laid out her clothes. She even included a hair clip, which is a big deal because she isn't really keen on me doing her hair all that often. When we told her it was time to go to bed she went without the usual foot dragging.

       I tucked her in, gave her kisses, then paused a moment at the door letting the moment sink in. I knew as I went to bed that night my life would never be the same. My little girl is growing up.  When she woke up in the morning she got herself ready without us having to ask over and over again. I think the dry erase chart I made helped her with that a lot.

     I would have to say that it was a wonderful morning. Kaelyn chattered away about how excited she was and how much she was looking forward to the bus ride, the kids at school, and her lunchbox. It was a beautiful day as we made our way to the bus stop as a family. The girls enjoyed some blackberries and huckleberries from the roadside bushes as we waited for the bus to arrive . I'll be honest with you, I have read many of my friends experiences of taking their kids to the first day of school and how they cried and I knew I wouldn't have that reaction. I am nothing but excited for Kaelyn to get to go to school. I love her dearly, but she enjoys school so much and being with other kids so much that I can't really feel sad that she is going.

       I have tried many times and can't seem to articulate the way that this experience is making me feel. For 5 1/2 years we have been preparing for this moment. Trying to teach Kaelyn about taking turns, being polite, listening to teachers, about being kind. Trying to teach her confidence, and a willingness to try new things. Only time will tell if we have done well enough. I hope and pray that she is ready for this new adventure. I am so thankful that she was genuinely excited. I mean look at that face...

She is so happy. Ready to take on the world.

And still so innocent.

      However, as she climbed onto the bus with that big ol' backpack and her lunchbox in hand I experienced something I didn't expect. My heart soared.  I was filled with many different emotions. I was thrilled that Kaelyn was excited, I was felt a great sense of accomplishment that we had made it to the bus stop on time for the 7:56 AM pick up. I felt a tiny bit of shock realizing that my Kaelyn girl really is growing up. The past five years have flown by, and I am certain that the next five will go even faster. I'll blink my eyes and she'll be getting a drivers license.

     

      I also had a bittersweet feeling because she didn't look back. She just climbed right on board, ready for her first day of school. I don't know what I was expecting, perhaps a pause to give me a cute and quick wave like she does when the Primary children sing at church. Or maybe I thought she might give us an over the shoulder glance to get confirmation that she was doing what she needed to. I felt a rush of pride and happiness with just a hint of sadness that she is moving on in life and she doesn't need me like she used to. Yet, that is what we wanted for her, to have confidence that she can do this on her own.

     

      It was one of life's little moments. A moment of joy that I am sure to look back on as the years keep flying by. As we watched the bus drive away I knew that everything would be alright, and I looked forward to picking her up at the end of the school day. 

 

      When 3:00 rolled around Jon, Kylie, Alyssa, and I went out to the bus stop to pick Kaelyn up. She was the last one off of the bus and rather hesitant to cross the street. If you think about it that made sense since we were now telling her to cross the street without us. (Which is contrary to everything she'd been taught up to that point about being where cars go.) She did not seem convinced that the cars would not hit her. Once she had made it across the street safely she was excited to tell us about her day. It was all smiles until we talked about lunch. That is when she had realized that she forgot her lunchbox. She broke down into tears and cried the rest of the way home, and for another 10-15 minutes.

      This lunchbox is a one of a kind. We used a vintage 1980's box and Kaelyn colored the picture of the "Land Before Time" dinosaurs herself. She is so proud of her work and LOVES her lunchbox. Honestly, could there be a better lunchbox for Kaelyn it has dinosaurs and it is pink!  I also like the clever idea I had of adding a dry erase board inside the lid to write her messages for her to enjoy during school.

     
     When Jon's mom suggested the idea of letting Kaelyn color a picture to put on her lunchbox. I'll admit that I had to set aside my control freak tendencies. I wanted her lunchbox to look nice. I went so far as to print out two copies of the coloring book page because she told me that she wanted to use markers to color it. I wanted to have a second copy so she could do it again in colored pencil if and when it she didn't like the final product. She finished her coloring job and was super proud. "I even made them (the characters) the colors that they really are!"  Seeing how happy she was with her work, I shrugged and colored the second copy myself just for the fun of coloring. I set that aside in case her picture ever gets lost or ruined in a years worth of being hauled to and from school each day. As I laminated and attached her finished picture I reasoned with myself that it is more important for her to enjoy the process and feel proud of her own work than it is that the lunchbox been done the way I would do it.

    I felt good about that decision. Well I did until about half way through her tearful recounting of the lost lunchbox story on the first day of school when she told us that a girl on the bus said that Kaelyn's lunchbox is "UGLY" and  that she "doesn't like my lunchbox!" "She said my picture is all skritchy-scratchy." (As in she didn't color in the lines.) Listening to her tell her story with a tear stained face my heart broke.

I wanted to get a picture of her outfit, sadly a smile was no where to be found. : (



     Kaelyn finished recounting what the girl on the bus had said with an emphatic, "But I love my lunchbox!" We assured Kaelyn that she had done a fine job on her lunchbox, that it was unkind of that girl to say those things, and that we love her. I couldn't help but wonder, should we have done things differently? Should we have gone out and bought a lunchbox instead of decorating an old one? Is this just the first of many such school bus mockeries? I don't know that my tender hearted girl is ready for that. I don't know that I am prepared to deal with that.

    Once Kaelyn and her lunchbox were reunited, we picked it up before the school was locked up for the night, she was again optimistic and excited for the next day of school. I guess we'll see how the year plays out. I hope that she continues to love school. I hope that she can find a good friend quickly.